Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Ever Wonder Why Democrats are So Anxious to Save the Post Office?

Could it be that the Post Office will be used to manage the infamous Obamacare "Death Panels?" Imagine going to the Post Office to buy a roll of stamps, pick up your mail and drop off Grandma for her court ordered termination? 

Word of warning: if you have a elderly family member who weighs less than 70 pounds - DO NOT under any circumstances let them near a "Priority Mail Flat Rate" box.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Most Insidious Plot Since Fluoridation?

It's possible. When the UN armies knock on your door at night and drag your family to waiting FEMA Death Trains, don't be surprised to see them defile your home with Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs (CFL) as you're driven away.

Dropping one of these toxic timebombs on your floor is practically an invitation for an ATFL (Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Lightbulb Bureau) SWAT team to come bursting through your door and windows. By the time the EPA declares your home a Federal superfund site and auctions it off to Chinese banks, it's too late to log in to AOL to send a goodbye message to your friends.  And what's worse - with every CFL bulb installed, America's once mighty carbon footprint fades closer and closer to that of a third world nation.

If incandescent lightbulbs were good enough for Ben Franklin to invent electricity with, they're certainly good enough for us. Be warned sheeple!

Sarah Palin For President

America can sleep at night with President Palin
answering those 2am calls.
There is no question at this point in time that the most qualified candidate for the Presidency in 2012 is former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. First of all, having spent seven years in college she would be one of the most educated Presidential candidates in history.  In fact,  she has spent more time in the higher education system than the Kenyan Usurper, a graduate of Harvard University, an over rated institution that is little more than the Community College for the Hyannisport and Newport crowds.

Second, as the commander in chief of the Alaska National Guard, she brings a strong record of military leadership to the office. Just as Palin has stood toe to toe with America's adversaries in the Yukon Territory, she can stand toe to toe with the North Koreans, Iranians, Syrians and other sub-human nation states.

Finally, unlike Obama, Palin brings a family with both real class - and a common touch to the White House. I can imagine a state dinner with the Queen of England, where Sarah and her daughter Bristol could inspire the attendees with her experience from "Dancing with the Stars."  On the other hand, there will be no fears of serving foreign dignitaries some kind of fancy French vegetables like arugula and calling it "American". Palin likes her meals served the American way: cut off their horns, wipe it's ass and get it out here!

There are several small hurdles to overcome in the patriotic quest to make Sarah the Republican nominee. One of these is the fact that she's not on the ballot anywhere and will enter the convention with no delegates.  Sarah's experience in negotiating, which she honed as a member of the Wassila School Board should come into play here.

My Thoughts on the GOP Presidential Candidates

  • Romney: What will taxpayers end up spending to add bedrooms and Secret Service details for all of these "sister wives?"  Also anyone who has spent more than 48 hours in Massachusetts without a good excuse is too liberal for Right Thinking America.
  • Santorum:  Lots of good ideas on the most important issues facing America (contraception, teenage abstinence, bombing other countries.)  But has he given any assurances that he will NEVER put American troops under the command of the Swiss Guard???
  • Gingrich: Too intellectual. I know the Bible and the Constitution give America a God-given right to conquer the Earth. But where does either say anything about other planets? 
  • Paul: Too crazy. Legalizing pot sounds like an idea he borrowed from Dutch socialists. What's next? Establishing a constitutional monarchy, building windmills and growing tulips?

The Rest of What He Said!

Advanced lipreading technology has been used to pick up the heretofore unheard portions of the infamous Nobama/Medeyev conversation:  "Comrade, let me assure you that after my election, my plans are to abolish the second amendment, invite the Russian Army to rape and pillage our Southern and Midwest states, arrest homeschoolers and send them to Gitmo, increase the prices of gas to $10 per gallon, convert the country to the Metric System and demolish every church in the country in order to build high speed rail systems.

This is Going Too Far!

It's one thing to tell me I have to live with all these non-Christians. It's another thing to force me to live with Macintosh users.