FEMA Death Trains, don't be surprised to see them defile your home with Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs (CFL) as you're driven away.
Dropping one of these toxic timebombs on your floor is practically an invitation for an ATFL (Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Lightbulb Bureau) SWAT team to come bursting through your door and windows. By the time the EPA declares your home a Federal superfund site and auctions it off to Chinese banks, it's too late to log in to AOL to send a goodbye message to your friends. And what's worse - with every CFL bulb installed, America's once mighty carbon footprint fades closer and closer to that of a third world nation.
If incandescent lightbulbs were good enough for Ben Franklin to invent electricity with, they're certainly good enough for us. Be warned sheeple!